Somebody must be very very happy indeed today....
Friday, October 31, 2008
Friday, October 24, 2008
Friday Thoughts
Baru balik dari open house raya library, hubby called dan ajak. Tak tau pon ada makan2 di sana hari nih. Alhamdulillah, kenyang. Menu pon ok tp dah makan nasi lemak kurang dari sejam yg lalu so masih full lagi. Banyak lagi kuih raya dorang2 nih. Dan yang paling penting jumpa ramai staff2 ums, yg 95% aku nda kenal. Ha ha ha.. Pening, agaknya normal bah tuh kali kalau jumpa kerabat ppums. Jarang berurusan, jumpa, dan atau berkursus sama2. Sbb tuh x familiar, tapi yang nyata semuanya hubby kenal. Hehe, aku cuma kenal bos aku, dan bekas penolong pendaftar kami. Ada la 2-3 familiar faces dan lecturer2 lain. Dan juga tuan rumah. Tapi salam ja la semua, semua pon aku ucapkan hari raya, and terima kasih. Ntah ya ka tidak tuan rumah library. Ngoks ka... lantakla kan. hehe..
She slept at 2 again last night. Dan hasilnya lambat sungguh kami ke ofis ari nih. Arrived dalam 8.30 gitu. Kesian hubby dan my cousin. Sudah bangun jam 5 tadi, tapi letih mencanak2 dan ngantuk sgt. Okay, lagi 15 mins la baru bgn. Ah, tau2 jak sudah 6.45 a.m. Terang benderang. Adui nah. Heran sungguh dgn my daughter nih. Semlm jam 10, dia masih sibuk melompat ke sana kemari dan menyanyi2. Sibuk guna berus gigi dia sbg microphone. Dan menyanyi terus terusan smpi jam 11. Dan terus menjerit2 menyanyi, berlari2 smpi jam 12 tgh mlm. 12.30 mlm, aku dah give up. Ntah masa bila la aku tertidur, tinggal la hubby tunggu konsert my baby habis sekitar jam 2 pagi. Nasib baik hubby is very considerate. Sanggup take turn jaga, Lagi pon seblm tuh dia sudah tidur dulu, teka jam brp?? Dari 8.30 mlm. He he. Now who is the baby?
Yesterday was a tiring, but a fruitful day indeed. I went to the lab to check on the students labwork and alhamdulillah everything was doing just fine. Hopefully, we can produce few papers out of the work. And some more, ProfAB has requested me to buy a new laptop using some of the seedmoney and spend the remaining $$ for chemicals. Bah, prof can we just buy this? Ha ha, ok cut the crap. I'll probably have to settle with common brands. Now, the only that is bugging me is to do the justification to the tnc. It was not included in the budget when I applied for the grant last time.
I heard that the conference is going to be materialized next year, although I find it funny that no news or anything about it yet. And the program has now approximately 8 months to do everything. Harap2 semuanya akan ok. Or else, kami akan lintang pukang lagi nanti, but then again, we are known as the koboi team bah since the birth of the program. No matter how late are we, we will make it a point to finish everything in time.
Thanks to her, my daughter got another belated birthday gift :). She did ask about the confirmation. No people, I didnt get it, yet. They postponed it for 2 reasons, 1) there was a delay for the publication of the paper (policy problem, hence will be published by early next year) and 2) the skt mark is 69.15 i think. it is below 70. i still couldnt believe it though. did i do that bad? it looks as though i have done nothing and never showed up for work. can we ask for a re-evaluation. I never knew about it until recently. Anyhow, I hope that this year it wont that bad again. Otherwise, it is probably a sign that I do need to update my cv.
I have another presentation to evaluate this afternoon. Kinda tired, and lazy. I know bad words to use. But still, I need to finish it. But when I called the IT person over and over again since morning, they are not around, hence no lcd yet. Alamak, how lah. The lab reports are still there, untouched. Hmm..too many to mark, I am just tired looking at them. All I want to do is sleep, and sleep. Orang kata, when you are pregnant you tend be lazy. Ya ka? If only they know. The constant backache, dizzy, restless, difficulty to move or even breathe. I am now walking like pingu, cute but troublesome as you have to add another steps sideways. Haha.
I am hoping that I'll do ok in the seminar's presentation next week. A bit nervous. I guess the 4 years talking in front of the students during lecture didnt help that much eh. After that, I am going to finish up marking the lab reports. And start balik where I left for the application. People has been questioning me about this thing a lot. Bila mau smbg belajar, or jadi kah sambung belajar nih?? Pressure juga sometimes. The answer is, kalau buleh sekarang juga. Sbb saya sudah malas mau pikir buat nota and buat kerja2 lain di ofis nih. :)
But my application masih di tahap itu juga. Smpt pegi btn bln 7. And it took me 2 mths to complete the form. last mth baru siap ok. Lame, I know. But membuat proposal itu sungguh memeningkan kepala saya, methodology pon masih lagi terkapai2. Semua sudah siap, ielts, btn, borang2, tawaran tpt pengajian, endeavor scholarships, and ada 2 lagi masuk round two sudah tapi nih mcm cari benang dlm tepung ja harapannya haha. Yang pasti tgu aku ja nih, yg masih lagi berfikir2 mau menghantar borang. After I delivered my baby. Yes. But, mak sudah pesan awal2 lagi suruh tinggalkan my kids if I wanted leave for my study. Sanggup kah biar anak minum susu lembu saja?? Sanggupkah x bawa my kids mcm pn. tham. And leave hubby di sini, because of work commitment, and after all dia pon mau smbg study end of this yr. Hmm.. the fact is, I now have to pretend menjadi single, seperti bujang trang tang tang, kalau mau mengejar cita2 saya. Kawan2 yg lain sudah pegi smbg study, he just whisked off the whole family, and the other two mmg belum kawin lagi thus no family issues involved. I am happy for them. The fact is I envy them. :)
So, if anyone asked me again about it, my answer would be a big smile on my face. Easier. There I'm done with this post.
Ops, have another half an hour before presentation. I better go now.
She slept at 2 again last night. Dan hasilnya lambat sungguh kami ke ofis ari nih. Arrived dalam 8.30 gitu. Kesian hubby dan my cousin. Sudah bangun jam 5 tadi, tapi letih mencanak2 dan ngantuk sgt. Okay, lagi 15 mins la baru bgn. Ah, tau2 jak sudah 6.45 a.m. Terang benderang. Adui nah. Heran sungguh dgn my daughter nih. Semlm jam 10, dia masih sibuk melompat ke sana kemari dan menyanyi2. Sibuk guna berus gigi dia sbg microphone. Dan menyanyi terus terusan smpi jam 11. Dan terus menjerit2 menyanyi, berlari2 smpi jam 12 tgh mlm. 12.30 mlm, aku dah give up. Ntah masa bila la aku tertidur, tinggal la hubby tunggu konsert my baby habis sekitar jam 2 pagi. Nasib baik hubby is very considerate. Sanggup take turn jaga, Lagi pon seblm tuh dia sudah tidur dulu, teka jam brp?? Dari 8.30 mlm. He he. Now who is the baby?
Yesterday was a tiring, but a fruitful day indeed. I went to the lab to check on the students labwork and alhamdulillah everything was doing just fine. Hopefully, we can produce few papers out of the work. And some more, ProfAB has requested me to buy a new laptop using some of the seedmoney and spend the remaining $$ for chemicals. Bah, prof can we just buy this? Ha ha, ok cut the crap. I'll probably have to settle with common brands. Now, the only that is bugging me is to do the justification to the tnc. It was not included in the budget when I applied for the grant last time.
I heard that the conference is going to be materialized next year, although I find it funny that no news or anything about it yet. And the program has now approximately 8 months to do everything. Harap2 semuanya akan ok. Or else, kami akan lintang pukang lagi nanti, but then again, we are known as the koboi team bah since the birth of the program. No matter how late are we, we will make it a point to finish everything in time.
Thanks to her, my daughter got another belated birthday gift :). She did ask about the confirmation. No people, I didnt get it, yet. They postponed it for 2 reasons, 1) there was a delay for the publication of the paper (policy problem, hence will be published by early next year) and 2) the skt mark is 69.15 i think. it is below 70. i still couldnt believe it though. did i do that bad? it looks as though i have done nothing and never showed up for work. can we ask for a re-evaluation. I never knew about it until recently. Anyhow, I hope that this year it wont that bad again. Otherwise, it is probably a sign that I do need to update my cv.
I have another presentation to evaluate this afternoon. Kinda tired, and lazy. I know bad words to use. But still, I need to finish it. But when I called the IT person over and over again since morning, they are not around, hence no lcd yet. Alamak, how lah. The lab reports are still there, untouched. Hmm..too many to mark, I am just tired looking at them. All I want to do is sleep, and sleep. Orang kata, when you are pregnant you tend be lazy. Ya ka? If only they know. The constant backache, dizzy, restless, difficulty to move or even breathe. I am now walking like pingu, cute but troublesome as you have to add another steps sideways. Haha.
I am hoping that I'll do ok in the seminar's presentation next week. A bit nervous. I guess the 4 years talking in front of the students during lecture didnt help that much eh. After that, I am going to finish up marking the lab reports. And start balik where I left for the application. People has been questioning me about this thing a lot. Bila mau smbg belajar, or jadi kah sambung belajar nih?? Pressure juga sometimes. The answer is, kalau buleh sekarang juga. Sbb saya sudah malas mau pikir buat nota and buat kerja2 lain di ofis nih. :)
But my application masih di tahap itu juga. Smpt pegi btn bln 7. And it took me 2 mths to complete the form. last mth baru siap ok. Lame, I know. But membuat proposal itu sungguh memeningkan kepala saya, methodology pon masih lagi terkapai2. Semua sudah siap, ielts, btn, borang2, tawaran tpt pengajian, endeavor scholarships, and ada 2 lagi masuk round two sudah tapi nih mcm cari benang dlm tepung ja harapannya haha. Yang pasti tgu aku ja nih, yg masih lagi berfikir2 mau menghantar borang. After I delivered my baby. Yes. But, mak sudah pesan awal2 lagi suruh tinggalkan my kids if I wanted leave for my study. Sanggup kah biar anak minum susu lembu saja?? Sanggupkah x bawa my kids mcm pn. tham. And leave hubby di sini, because of work commitment, and after all dia pon mau smbg study end of this yr. Hmm.. the fact is, I now have to pretend menjadi single, seperti bujang trang tang tang, kalau mau mengejar cita2 saya. Kawan2 yg lain sudah pegi smbg study, he just whisked off the whole family, and the other two mmg belum kawin lagi thus no family issues involved. I am happy for them. The fact is I envy them. :)
So, if anyone asked me again about it, my answer would be a big smile on my face. Easier. There I'm done with this post.
Ops, have another half an hour before presentation. I better go now.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Daughter. Work. TV
Tersengguk2 saya menanda lab report students nih. Aduh mengantuknya. Mungkin x cukup tidur. Well, when u have small kid to attend to, istilah cukup tidur tuh mmg x kan wujud. Now that my daughter sleeps at 1-2 am every night, terpaksa la saya dan hubby layannnn kan jak. But, now have to make shift tidur yg optimum. Normally I will let hubby sleeps from 9 pm until midnight.
Meanwhile I'll be in charge playing with my daughter until she's tired. Peliknya, tak pernah penat pon dia, so energetic wpon baju dah basah kuyup berlari ke sana ke mari. But since I myself tersgtla letih and sleepy, I gave in. Hubby pula bgn after midnight and take turn to take care of our little darling. Hmm.. so now, my turn to sleep. Hubby will entertain her sampaila dia mau tidur sendiri, that is 1 - 2 am. If u force her to sleep, she'll scream smpi mau runtuh telinga ni di buatnya. He he. Hence, it is wise to let her sleep on her own will. Pelik juga, once we tried this trick ~ pretend that both of us are already asleep, and let her play by herself but 2 mins later she immediately cried. Mau juga ada org teman main. We had to be up by 5 am, and brave through the 1.5 hrs journey to work. And another 1.5 hrs in the afternoon. *Pengsan*.
Her entry got me thinking of whether I am ready for no.2 or not? But hey, bak kata zizan bolos tuh...Bersedia atau tidak, bolos saja dinding itu... Hehe, in other words...you will never know until the day itself. You just have to make yourself prepared no matter what. Yes, its true being heavily pregnant and having a toddler that requires your 24-hr attention all at the same time is indeed tiring. Beyond words I tell you. But at the end of the day, looking at my precious daughter smiling in her sleep, happy that the parents did spend some time with her to play ball even at 1 am, and have this flattering kick in my tummy before I put myself to sleep, is something that is priceless. Total bliss :). Beyond words too.
My morning kicks in with an urgent call from the office asking me to represent dear boss for a meeting and they said "datang sekarang juga!". Wow so garang, and demanding. My phone keeps on beeping with sms after sms from students, asking for some administrative advice and some for academic purposes. Then the mailbox is filled with an email saying that I need to do a presentation during a school seminar for a paper presented last yr at some conference. Tskkk... need to do a lot of reading. And out of 360 lab reports, I managed to mark 8 scripts today, and I fell asleep on the last report. Oh dear. I thought my day was a roller coaster ride today. But when I saw his face during lunch, I know his is even worst. Tried to comfort him, but boy I hit the wrong buzzer I guess. Hehe., so sorry ok dear I was just trying to help.
Truth is, no matter how much we rant about work and despise working with some people, life has to go on. A big wave and huge grin from him this morning is definitely the big catch. He certainly has his way of making others feel much better with his extraordinary happy auras. Wonder where he gets it. But anyhow thank you, I think you know who you are :)
Btw, Niptuck tuh sampai season 4 sudah ka? My oh my...betul2 ketinggalan bas sudah nih... he he. Well as much as I want to watch all the tv-series available on astro, I just couldnt. Ntahla. This is the only tv-series that I watch, tupon kdg2 miss juga. And CSI, sometimes. Thats it. My tv-addict days ranged from dawsons creek to gilmore girls and yg sewaktu dgn nya. See.. gets to watch tv during uni days, only. But now, I'm thinking of downloading the many episodes that I missed ~ Desperate Hsewives, Greys Anatomy, Gossip Girls, Prison Break, and etc... from season 1. Hik hik.. My only problem now is, where to download all this?? Ha ha... Punyala semangat, tapi nda tau pula...Helppp... :)
Meanwhile I'll be in charge playing with my daughter until she's tired. Peliknya, tak pernah penat pon dia, so energetic wpon baju dah basah kuyup berlari ke sana ke mari. But since I myself tersgtla letih and sleepy, I gave in. Hubby pula bgn after midnight and take turn to take care of our little darling. Hmm.. so now, my turn to sleep. Hubby will entertain her sampaila dia mau tidur sendiri, that is 1 - 2 am. If u force her to sleep, she'll scream smpi mau runtuh telinga ni di buatnya. He he. Hence, it is wise to let her sleep on her own will. Pelik juga, once we tried this trick ~ pretend that both of us are already asleep, and let her play by herself but 2 mins later she immediately cried. Mau juga ada org teman main. We had to be up by 5 am, and brave through the 1.5 hrs journey to work. And another 1.5 hrs in the afternoon. *Pengsan*.
Her entry got me thinking of whether I am ready for no.2 or not? But hey, bak kata zizan bolos tuh...Bersedia atau tidak, bolos saja dinding itu... Hehe, in other words...you will never know until the day itself. You just have to make yourself prepared no matter what. Yes, its true being heavily pregnant and having a toddler that requires your 24-hr attention all at the same time is indeed tiring. Beyond words I tell you. But at the end of the day, looking at my precious daughter smiling in her sleep, happy that the parents did spend some time with her to play ball even at 1 am, and have this flattering kick in my tummy before I put myself to sleep, is something that is priceless. Total bliss :). Beyond words too.
My morning kicks in with an urgent call from the office asking me to represent dear boss for a meeting and they said "datang sekarang juga!". Wow so garang, and demanding. My phone keeps on beeping with sms after sms from students, asking for some administrative advice and some for academic purposes. Then the mailbox is filled with an email saying that I need to do a presentation during a school seminar for a paper presented last yr at some conference. Tskkk... need to do a lot of reading. And out of 360 lab reports, I managed to mark 8 scripts today, and I fell asleep on the last report. Oh dear. I thought my day was a roller coaster ride today. But when I saw his face during lunch, I know his is even worst. Tried to comfort him, but boy I hit the wrong buzzer I guess. Hehe., so sorry ok dear I was just trying to help.
Truth is, no matter how much we rant about work and despise working with some people, life has to go on. A big wave and huge grin from him this morning is definitely the big catch. He certainly has his way of making others feel much better with his extraordinary happy auras. Wonder where he gets it. But anyhow thank you, I think you know who you are :)
Btw, Niptuck tuh sampai season 4 sudah ka? My oh my...betul2 ketinggalan bas sudah nih... he he. Well as much as I want to watch all the tv-series available on astro, I just couldnt. Ntahla. This is the only tv-series that I watch, tupon kdg2 miss juga. And CSI, sometimes. Thats it. My tv-addict days ranged from dawsons creek to gilmore girls and yg sewaktu dgn nya. See.. gets to watch tv during uni days, only. But now, I'm thinking of downloading the many episodes that I missed ~ Desperate Hsewives, Greys Anatomy, Gossip Girls, Prison Break, and etc... from season 1. Hik hik.. My only problem now is, where to download all this?? Ha ha... Punyala semangat, tapi nda tau pula...Helppp... :)
Friday, October 17, 2008
Life
It seems pretty quiet today since morning. And this afternoon, the sounds of thunder and gloomy weather are drifting me to sleep. But I must not as I have a 2-5 pm lab presentation to evaluate in less than 20 mins.
I am still waiting for the form from dear boss, which is supposed to be submitted way 2 weeks ago to PPI. Ergh.. Hopefully I shall get it by this afternoon and submit it by next week, then start thinking on ordering few chemicals. Hmm.. its not much just a rm10k money to spend but at least I am learning something or moving into a better direction, research wise. I have been dormant for the past 2 years. Shucks. My fault by the way. Too much time spend studying and preparing lecture stuffs. And becoming a yes-boss kuli isnt helping as well.
I think it is safe to tell in here that InsyaAllah hubby will be doing his masters in Dec. He is very much into forensic accounting a term which sounded too alien for me. And the fact that I do not appreciate doing a balance account ever since form four, left no room for him to explain the whole thing. So, it'll be three years from now (its a part time basis) for him to get another degree. Lets pray for the best. And this whole thing has got me thinking, of who should go back to school first. Never mind on that, I just need to put my focus on the baby first.
Sometimes work is so overwhelming that I have forgotten I am pregnant all this while. Now that I am approaching 7 mths, and experiencing some discomforts, the thought that I will have someone new in my life less than 3 mths suddenly feels surreal. I havent done any preparation as in buying the baby's stuffs and all. Oh dear, plain ignorant I was. I dont know. Maybe my tummy isnt showing that much (I had dear friend touching and checking my belly few days ago when I told her I am pregnant ~ she didnt believe me hehe).
But, I do miss going back to school. I miss having unanswered call from my supervisor appeared on the screen (takut punya pasal analysis belum siap haha thus sengaja tidak mau jawab). The fact is I really miss studying. Not that I am not doing any now, but it feels different when I was a student. I guess what I am missing here is the carefree life of being a student, simple, crazy, and I dont have to think about piles of work in the office. He he. I found some old pics of me taken 3 years ago, enjoying life as a student...(nerdy, naive, and so young, i am no different than my students now... haha). I miss the girls a lot! :)
alamak, tertingu gbr nih juga...salivating for the bihun goreng ayam kunyit taman u la...anybody going to utm??? ##^%$&(*(&... oh please helpp...
Oh yeah, btw minyak sudah turun 3x, but how come harga karipap di sst tuh masih lagi 50sen 1 bijik, and reducing in size. Isk isk isk....
Isk belum punch out, but I am too scared to go there as it is dark already and too tired to walk half the block. mungkinkah saya patut pindah bilik? Anyways, have a nice weekend uols! :)
I am still waiting for the form from dear boss, which is supposed to be submitted way 2 weeks ago to PPI. Ergh.. Hopefully I shall get it by this afternoon and submit it by next week, then start thinking on ordering few chemicals. Hmm.. its not much just a rm10k money to spend but at least I am learning something or moving into a better direction, research wise. I have been dormant for the past 2 years. Shucks. My fault by the way. Too much time spend studying and preparing lecture stuffs. And becoming a yes-boss kuli isnt helping as well.
I think it is safe to tell in here that InsyaAllah hubby will be doing his masters in Dec. He is very much into forensic accounting a term which sounded too alien for me. And the fact that I do not appreciate doing a balance account ever since form four, left no room for him to explain the whole thing. So, it'll be three years from now (its a part time basis) for him to get another degree. Lets pray for the best. And this whole thing has got me thinking, of who should go back to school first. Never mind on that, I just need to put my focus on the baby first.
Sometimes work is so overwhelming that I have forgotten I am pregnant all this while. Now that I am approaching 7 mths, and experiencing some discomforts, the thought that I will have someone new in my life less than 3 mths suddenly feels surreal. I havent done any preparation as in buying the baby's stuffs and all. Oh dear, plain ignorant I was. I dont know. Maybe my tummy isnt showing that much (I had dear friend touching and checking my belly few days ago when I told her I am pregnant ~ she didnt believe me hehe).
But, I do miss going back to school. I miss having unanswered call from my supervisor appeared on the screen (takut punya pasal analysis belum siap haha thus sengaja tidak mau jawab). The fact is I really miss studying. Not that I am not doing any now, but it feels different when I was a student. I guess what I am missing here is the carefree life of being a student, simple, crazy, and I dont have to think about piles of work in the office. He he. I found some old pics of me taken 3 years ago, enjoying life as a student...(nerdy, naive, and so young, i am no different than my students now... haha). I miss the girls a lot! :)
alamak, tertingu gbr nih juga...salivating for the bihun goreng ayam kunyit taman u la...anybody going to utm??? ##^%$&(*(&... oh please helpp...
Oh yeah, btw minyak sudah turun 3x, but how come harga karipap di sst tuh masih lagi 50sen 1 bijik, and reducing in size. Isk isk isk....Isk belum punch out, but I am too scared to go there as it is dark already and too tired to walk half the block. mungkinkah saya patut pindah bilik? Anyways, have a nice weekend uols! :)
Bernard Chan
An email received this morning. Just thought that spreading the news might help.
I was contacted by one our ex-students, graduated last August 2008 revealing a bad news about him recently diagnosed with Chronic Myeloid Leukemia. His name is Bernard Chan (Civil Engineering Program). We in civil engineering family remember him as a kind and obedient guy and very helpful to others. He was the Pengarah for a community project we conducted in Kg Kiau, Ranau back in 2006, where we helped the kampung folks building a kindergarden.
His journal can be found here.
http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/bernardchan
http://www.growmyfamilytree.org/bernardchan/
Obviously, he needs a lot of assistance financially as he is the eldest in the family and supposed to be the breadwinner, and has just started working.
But, if you cannot help him financially, do send encouragment to him in battling this disease (House: 073317720, Hp: 0168142561- Malaysia) (Hp: +6583790701 -Singapore, where he is being treated at Singapore National University Hospital).
Or, if you have any idea of how we can help him (or a contact person), do let me know.
**********
Dear colleagues,I was contacted by one our ex-students, graduated last August 2008 revealing a bad news about him recently diagnosed with Chronic Myeloid Leukemia. His name is Bernard Chan (Civil Engineering Program). We in civil engineering family remember him as a kind and obedient guy and very helpful to others. He was the Pengarah for a community project we conducted in Kg Kiau, Ranau back in 2006, where we helped the kampung folks building a kindergarden.
His journal can be found here.
http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/bernardchan
http://www.growmyfamilytree.org/bernardchan/
Obviously, he needs a lot of assistance financially as he is the eldest in the family and supposed to be the breadwinner, and has just started working.
But, if you cannot help him financially, do send encouragment to him in battling this disease (House: 073317720, Hp: 0168142561- Malaysia) (Hp: +6583790701 -Singapore, where he is being treated at Singapore National University Hospital).
Or, if you have any idea of how we can help him (or a contact person), do let me know.
**********
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Ikang
This is my daughter's favorite spot in town. Do you know where that is? Yes, that tiny roundabout facing the sea near Segama. She would scream my name and asked me to look at it, and told me what it was. She calls it ikang (I am still very much confused of where she learns to pronounce that ganu slang hehe).
Anyway, since she loves her ikang so much, we spared 15 mins there just to give her a closer look of her favorite character. Her face was glowing, filled with joy and she was screaming all the way. It must have been one of the most wonderful experience for her. See, who's on top of the ikang now? Nasib baik tidak kena tangkap sama dbkk kami. Hehe...
Its great to able to see the world through our kid's eyes. My daughter taught me that sometimes even the simplest thing in life can provide that magical comfort, if and only if, you learn to look and appreciate your surroundings in a different perspective :)Ill
I think I am sick again. Not the kind of sickness that you can simply pop in those pills as you please.
My body decided to feel like it is burning all through prayer time or whenever I recite the Quran. Even my voice is changing to either becoming suara nenek tua or simply sounding like a harsh man's voice each time I read the Quranic verses. All these happening shortly after Ramadhan has ended. I was in total peace during the holy month. Now, I am getting confused, angry, and the sadness overflowing in me is ridiculous. Worst, I am at the verge of tearing all the reports, too lazy to read them. Franky speaking, I didnt do much work for the past four days. None. Kosong. Am I seeing things lately? Yeah in a way, but not noticeable just a shadow or some black images. However, I did feel as though someone is watching or following me, day and night. I dont think I ever mentioned in here that I saw a 14-year old girl with shoulder length hair sitting at the back while I was driving during maghrib on my way back to papar. What did I do? Ignored it, and she disappeared seconds later. Creepy or crap?
I can smell a distinct space in the relationship. Funny, there were days I think he hated me so much that he didn't even want to talk or even saw my face. For some odd reasons, it kept me thinking of whether I have done something horrible to anyone before or things were merely complicated by the problems mentioned in the previous paragraph. Even the family members are suffering the side effects of it. Chest pain, headache, stress and all. Strange. And above all, things are getting worse if we tried to read more holy verses, zikir, and everything. Having said that, I believe the whole scenario is sending a clear indication that we need to do something about it. But how?
I need to get going with life. With my work. With everything that is screaming for my attention. Why is this happening? Something for me to reflect back on what have I done perhaps into becoming a good muslimah? Any effort towards it?
Ah well, now help me decide. Its either the shrink or the ustaz? I do know that this whole thing is common to some people, or those who have had fair experience themselves. Thus, good advices or some useful thoughts are very much appreciated.
My body decided to feel like it is burning all through prayer time or whenever I recite the Quran. Even my voice is changing to either becoming suara nenek tua or simply sounding like a harsh man's voice each time I read the Quranic verses. All these happening shortly after Ramadhan has ended. I was in total peace during the holy month. Now, I am getting confused, angry, and the sadness overflowing in me is ridiculous. Worst, I am at the verge of tearing all the reports, too lazy to read them. Franky speaking, I didnt do much work for the past four days. None. Kosong. Am I seeing things lately? Yeah in a way, but not noticeable just a shadow or some black images. However, I did feel as though someone is watching or following me, day and night. I dont think I ever mentioned in here that I saw a 14-year old girl with shoulder length hair sitting at the back while I was driving during maghrib on my way back to papar. What did I do? Ignored it, and she disappeared seconds later. Creepy or crap?
I can smell a distinct space in the relationship. Funny, there were days I think he hated me so much that he didn't even want to talk or even saw my face. For some odd reasons, it kept me thinking of whether I have done something horrible to anyone before or things were merely complicated by the problems mentioned in the previous paragraph. Even the family members are suffering the side effects of it. Chest pain, headache, stress and all. Strange. And above all, things are getting worse if we tried to read more holy verses, zikir, and everything. Having said that, I believe the whole scenario is sending a clear indication that we need to do something about it. But how?
I need to get going with life. With my work. With everything that is screaming for my attention. Why is this happening? Something for me to reflect back on what have I done perhaps into becoming a good muslimah? Any effort towards it?
Ah well, now help me decide. Its either the shrink or the ustaz? I do know that this whole thing is common to some people, or those who have had fair experience themselves. Thus, good advices or some useful thoughts are very much appreciated.
Monday, October 13, 2008
The Day
12.10.2006.
Remembering this date 2 years ago, many thoughts came into my mind. The waiting, the pain, but most certainly the joy that came soon after. Guess what, my daughter turns two yesterday.
Too lazy to write, so I'm putting up pictorial update.
Happy Birthday dear! Mama and papa love you so much :)
Remembering this date 2 years ago, many thoughts came into my mind. The waiting, the pain, but most certainly the joy that came soon after. Guess what, my daughter turns two yesterday.
Too lazy to write, so I'm putting up pictorial update.
Happy Birthday dear! Mama and papa love you so much :)Friday, October 10, 2008
10 Syawal 1429 H
- Sleepy, and tired. Hopefully I entered the correct mark for the right kids. Need to get this coursework mark done by next week.
- I thought I lost my glasses yesterday, thus a day at work with blurry images wasnt fun at all. Desperate, I bought new glasses yesterday. Another hole in the pocket after raya, is certainly not appreciated kan. But what to do. Reached home, and found my old pair placed nicely on the side table. Bikin panas! :)
- I started working yesterday, to which I found the office is still pretty quiet. People are taking long break for raya I guess. Good for them. I just had to start working yesterday, in hope to do few things but later found out that I couldnt accomplish any of them as I do need other colleagues to be around to be able to do it. Hmm..
- And besides the people from the office has been calling me 3 days in a row since Monday, asking me to come for a meeting I have never heard of. And they claimed they have sent the memo earlier. When? On Friday hari Raya ke 3. And they expect people to come to work on that day? Hmm...Annoying? Yes. But come to think of it whats the point of slaving urself for work, if by the end of the day u still get ur kpi below 70 (strange, i was not told about it) and your confirmation postponed because of it, I must say its high time for me to start saying NO once in a while. So I asked the lady, "are you expecting me to drive all the way from papar to come for the 3 pm meeting? (Its already 2.30 at that time). Conversation ended there.
- Raya was fine. Just that my daughter got a one inch cut on left arm on first Raya. tuhla ganas kan. Hehe. And the 3rd day of Raya moi was suffering food poisoning pulak. Hmm..thus picture only this the whole day: vomiting and diarrhea. But other than that, it was a great festive season with lots of good food and visiting relatives. I gained another 2 kilos. Haha.,,
- Ok got to go, planning for daughter's 2nd birthday party this Sunday. Lets hope things will turn out well. :)
Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri
Maaf Zahir & Batin
Maaf Zahir & Batin
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